Blue Ghosts

Last night I witnessed something magical that is apparently quite a rare phenomenon: Blue Ghost Fireflies.

I’d been visiting at a friend’s home in North Carolina. Ken owns about 40 or so acres that border the South Toe River, you might say in the shadow of Mount Mitchell. Every once in a while, Ken hosts a little potluck dinner around the campfire. We enjoy good food and great company, and last night was a fairly typical night.

After dinner, my cousin Sally, new friend Kay, and beloved adventure-dog Henry took a walk down to the river. It was a little more exercise than I’d bargained for, although I’m not sore today and it was surely good for me! It was also a little more than Henry had bargained for, because he is sore today – but very, very happy!

After we returned from the walk, the party dwindled down to six humans and one dog. It was so peaceful up there, just sitting around enjoying quiet conversation. No one seemed to want to leave, but all good things must come to an end, and we tidied up and started packing things out to our cars. We walked out in darkness, gradually becoming aware of a sort of blue-white glowing in the rough clearing off to our left.

“What is this?!” we kept asking each other. They didn’t seem to be fireflies – or lightning bugs, as some of us call them – because they weren’t “winking” on and off. Plus, lightning bugs usually hang out in the trees, and these were hovering close to the ground. Finally, Ken recalled hearing of “blue ghosts” and we realized that, whatever blue ghosts might be, these were probably blue ghosts, because they certainly gave off a ghost-like, eerie glow.

We watched, mesmerized, for a while. They moved and hovered in complete, spooky silence. I thought to grab a little video from my cell phone, with absolutely no success. This is just one of those special moments in time that will be preserved only by my memory.

Returning home, a quick google search revealed this article, which not only explains the science behind “blue ghosts” but also gives some valuable tips for trying to experience this phenomenon for yourself. Which I highly recommend. https://curiosity.com/topics/rare-blue-ghost-fireflies-only-glow-in-one-part-of-north-america-curiosity/

Atlas Obscura, always informative and entertaining, posted this article: https://www.atlasobscura.com/places/blue-ghost-fireflies

Apparently, local legend has it that the blue fireflies are the ghosts of Confederate soldiers – although it was pointed out that since the fireflies are blue, it would make more sense if they were the ghosts of Union soldiers. Now, you can believe or not, as you will … but isn’t it interesting that these things are active around Memorial Day, which originated in the years just after the Civil War?

Epiphany (Just a Little One)

I started out today, grumpy and dissatisfied. After a walk with my little canine companion, Henry, I was no longer grumpy … but still dissatisfied and feeling lost, aimless.

“Must I resign myself to being discontent?” … and other similar sorts of questions that I don’t want to bore you with (and, frankly, am somewhat embarrassed to admit) plagued my mind. I’ll admit to having periods of uncertainty that I’m still on the “right” course for my life.

So I decided to fix myself some breakfast. And, as I filled the shallow bowl with Pink Lady apple wedges and Scottish cheddar, a smile crossed my face.

This bowl always makes me think of those little plates that maybe your mom fed you from when you were a little kid: The ones where, as you clean your plate, a picture is gradually revealed.

But that memory is not the only thing that makes me smile. I smile as I think of my friend Beth, who made this bowl just for me. I might never have known Beth had it not been for our production of the WNC Highlands Celtic Festival; Beth, as “Cat’s Paw Potterie,” was one of our vendors.

I have other treasures that evoke similar memories:

Leather medallion crafted by Timothy, a vendor at Caloosahatchee Celtic Festival. 

 Earrings bearing the Celtic Heritage Heart, commissioned by Denise, a friend met through our festivals.

Gifts that were given me because of a relationship forged through festival production.

And then I think of the relationships with various musicians with whom I’ve worked, some of who have become family to me.

Which leads me to consider the many friends who are now in my life, all met through festival production.

Festival production. A thing that was not even on my radar as a high school senior planning her future. A thing that was not even a remote consideration as I left one vocation (teaching high school math) to set out on another (playing the hammer dulcimer). A thing that, in fact, Greg and I sort of fell into as a friend called me after seeing a newspaper article about my playing: “Hey, Elvis! Now that you’re famous,” he said, “how about putting on a little event for me?”

I'm not even remotely considering giving up festival production! But as I think about how this completely unplanned-for thing has become such a satisfying and rewarding part of my life, I'm a little less anxious about other things that life may hold for me yet. 

Friends who know me, know I’m not a planner … except when I am. They know I’m not a risk-taker … except when I am. They may know that uncertainty both excites me and scares me. My Life Path thus far has been both predictable … and decidedly unpredictable.

Realizing all this, I’m a little less discontented, a little less dissatisfied, and maybe a little less impatient, as I wait to see how the Path unfolds in front of me.

The Seven Sisters

Henry and I are just now back from our last walkie of the night. It was a beautiful night for walking, crisp and cool, and the sky was clear and dark. Perfect for star-gazing! I found the constellation Orion, Sirius the Dog Star, and glimpsed the Seven Sisters -- the star cluster called Pleiades.

I will never again see the Seven Sisters without my mind straying up to northeast Wyoming, to Devils Tower, aka Bears Tipi, and thinking of the Kiowa legend of how Devils Tower came to be. Here is the story as told by I-See-Many-Camp-Fire-Places, a Kiowa soldier at Fort Sill, Oklahoma, back in 1897:

“Before the Kiowa came south they were camped on a stream in the far north where there were a great many bears, many of them. One day, seven little girls were playing at a distance from the village and were chased by some bears. The girls ran toward the village and the bears were just about to catch them when the girls jumped on a low rock, about three feet high. One of the girls prayed to the rock, "Rock take pity on us, rock save us!" The rock heard them and began to grow upwards, pushing the girls higher and higher. When the bears jumped to reach the girls, they scratched the rock, broke their claws, and fell on the ground.

“The rock rose higher and higher, the bears still jumped at the girls until they were pushed up into the sky, where they now are, seven little stars in a group. In the winter, in the middle of the night, the seven stars are right over this high rock. When the people came to look, they found the bears' claws, turned to stone, all around the base.

“No Kiowa living has ever seen this rock, but the old men have told about it - it is very far north where the Kiowa used to live. It is a single rock with scratched sides, the marks of the bears' claws are there yet, rising straight up, very high. There is no other like it in the whole country, there are no trees on it, only grass on top. The Kiowa call this rock ‘Tso-aa’, a tree rock, possibly because it grew tall like a tree.”

Decisions, Decisions

Friends, I wrestled for some time with the notion of sharing this with you. If you're inclined to worry or pity -- please scroll on; I will be fine and I certainly am not asking anyone to feel sorry for me.
Likewise, if you're inclined to be "judgy" or give me advice -- please scroll on; you know I won't take it well to be scrutinized and scolded, and I probably won't appreciate unsolicited advice.
This is just me, being honest about what's going on in my life.
I'm not really happy/satisfied. And I feel kinda guilty about saying that, because I have plenty to be happy about (and am happy about those things), and plenty to satisfy me (I want for nothing, which is more than most people on this planet can say).
But choices that Greg and I made based on a future together now no longer make sense to me as I face a future without him. It is a weird sensation to feel as I do. At times I feel a sense of guilt; at times I feel fickle. My rational mind knows that I'm neither of these things. My emotional mind -- perhaps still tied to what might have been -- plays tricks on me.
Some days, I'm paralyzed with doubt and overwhelmed. Thank God for Henry ! If it were not for Henry, I might not get out of bed every day.
Right now, I'm sitting outside, listening to cicadas and other insects buzzing busily. I hear frogs chirping, and think there'll be rain. Acorns make popping noises as they fall out of the trees. There's the hum of air conditioners to remind me that I'm still in civilization. A short time ago, strictly by chance, I had a very pleasant conversation with an older neighbor who'd grown up in Asheville -- had, in fact, attended the same high school my father had attended. We talked about Celo and Loafer's Glory and Red Hill, about the fabric and furniture mills of days gone by, and about new roads that have brought change. I live in a lovely, extremely safe community ... but I'm not entirely happy/satisfied with my situation.
I desperately miss having a music room! I miss being able to sit down and play the piano strictly on a whim. I miss being able to leave my dulcimer set up, so that I can think through a tune that’s fermenting in my brain. I miss having my music books quickly accessible on a shelf.
I miss having an "office" area that's not blended with my "living space." I miss being able to leave unfinished business in a big pile on a desk without being concerned that the pile is going to be in my way.
Once upon a time, Greg and I sold our house so that we could locate closer to the facility where he'd eventually have a liver transplant. We pared down our life to live in our Airstream, and talked about all the places we'd go in that Airstream when he was finally free to travel, post-transplant.
And now that life is gone, and little of what's left makes sense without him.
Be assured, those of you who know me through our company Celtic Heritage, that the crossroads I seem to be reluctantly coming to are personal crossroads. I very much enjoy my professional life and am happy/satisfied in it. In truth, I feel that if I make a few personal changes, my professional life actually will be enhanced. It's worth noting that two of the major sources of dissatisfaction that I’d like to “correct” are related to my professional life. Huh.
I scrupulously avoided making major decisions after Greg's death, because I've seen too many people make too-hasty changes while they were still in shock/grief ... and then regret those changes down the road. But I'm confident that I'm past that. I'm pretty confident that whatever decisions I make will be with an eye to the future: moving forward, rather than running away.
If you've made it this far, you're probably wondering how to respond. Don't worry. You don't have to. I am writing this as catharsis for myself, but also because some of you have expressed interest in my healing process. All I ask is that you say a few prayers, think good thoughts, dance to music, sing loudly -- and if you can't sing well, then sing even more loudly, with gusto. I'll feel all that good energy.
Thanks for "listening."

My Guardian, My Gift

His muzzle is grizzled by age, but he still strikes a majestic pose.

This wonderful creature came into my life as another wonderful creature was preparing to leave it. He stepped up, sometimes in demanding fashion, sometimes tenderly, to remind me that for the living, life does -- it must -- go on.

His steps are a little slower these days; his energy, once seemingly infinite, now comes in bursts. His needs are simple, and in meeting those needs I find simple pleasures: The sound of a rushing river, the raucous caw of a crow, the sweet song of a robin. Perhaps the most pleasant pastime of all is found in watching him explore and savor whatever little part of the universe he finds himself in.

There is no doubt in my mind that he is my little teacher and my fearless trail scout and my faithful companion and guardian. There is no doubt in my mind that he is a gift from God.

Remembering Lindsey

A photo that was taken about 5 years or so ago, by my late niece Lindsey Wallis.  

Incredibly talented, with seemingly boundless enthusiasm and curiosity, so friendly and caring. A bright star that has left this mortal world, but maybe she's one that I will see when I look into the heavens at night.

The Forces of Nature Tour

My friend Sue and I (and my dog Henry!) recently completed a huge road trip that we dubbed "The Forces of Nature Tour" because in the course of 3+ weeks we encountered many of nature's most awesome "events." Our trip started with a tropical storm and ended with a flood, and in between we saw hot springs and geysers and icy glaciers, and saw evidence of massive earthquakes and volcanic eruptions.

It was a fantastic trip! Each day was packed with new adventures, so much so that the only way to be sure to remember the experiences was to keep a journal. Here's a link to the online version of that journal, plus plenty of pictures because photography is another passion of mine.

https://forcesofnaturetour.blogspot.com/2018/05/prologue-grand-adventure-part-two.html

Come along for the ride!